Saturday, August 06, 2016

Life Laments (long, just written for me)

Don't worry guys. I'm still working on Annabelle's stories whenever I can.

Right now however I just need to put my thoughts down. I'm just going to write free flowing, without edits, just to get it out there.

I'm the sort who needs to vent. I usually do it by speaking to certain friends or family but sometimes it just doesn't feel right. All I know is I just have to throw up my feelings so I can hear them and help turn off the self-doubt and recriminations that flow regularly in my mind.

There are things I should put down here first.
1. I care too much about others. Their feelings, their judgments, and so on.
2. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God is real and he talks to us with a peaceful voice that speaks to us when we're full of doubt and frustration and fear. We may not always be able to listen but their are many ways, such as prayer, meditation, scripture study, church attendance and most of all, shutting off your own head, which we can hear him.
3. I long for love. I am very grateful for the appreciation and love I get from friends and family. But I'm talking about that special someone whom I, too, can love with all my heart.
4.Sometimes we make choices that we think are right at the time but we have mislead ourselves.

Thanks to some choices I made twenty-seven years ago, I began a relationship based on one thing: a need to feel loved and appreciated. She was running from her mother and needed a support. Together we became an "us" and twenty-five years ago we were married.

But did I truly "love" her? Who knows anymore. I know the only thing about her that attracted me was her humor. I know this lack of attraction to her personality flaws (flaws in my mind and in the mind of those who knew us) grew into dissatisfaction and resentment.

I figured it was just me. I mean sure, her destructive patterns hurt us and our four children over the years but after every fight we'd patch it up and move on. We'd repeat over and over but my dad served my mother year after year with nothing but pain and hurt returned to him. At least my spouse gave me love, appreciation and respect. Well, sometimes.

But the toxicity of the marriage took it's toll. I still long to find love with someone who can love me without abusing me. Without ultimatums or absences or causing me to have to excuse toxic behavior to everyone we come in contact with.

The fights got harder and my affection died. Celebratory events such as anniversaries, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, all became a necessary chore. How could I celebrate someone who would verbally and mentally hurt others? Who would constantly refuse to endure and would rather share self pity?

I spoke with my wife. We fought. Nothing new as the fights had increased at that point. I realized something. What I thought was love for my wife in the beginning of our relationship was only a need to find love. And while our years together have given us many wonderful memories, along with them all was her toxic behavior.

I asked her to leave and move in with her family since mine live out of state and three of the kids preferred me. They needed the house and my job was in this state so we couldn't just run to California. My wife left with my eldest daughter whom still doesn't see things the way I have explained them here.

They've been gone for over two months and now my three other kids (ages 20, 18, 16) and I finally have peace and fulfillment in almost everything. Well, the kids have it in everything. I'm still missing that which I have longed for for a very long time: the kind of love without strings or baggage. Just a mutual respect and appreciation for one another.

I feel lonely in a crowd. Meanwhile my wife takes turns pleading for what was never real, and harassing me with anger and hate. All the while slipping in various sneaky agendas to get what she wants.

The divorce will take at least three months. I have a great lawyer and it might go well, but I still get at least eight emails a day from my soon-to-be-ex. They tear me down or ask for things I know would hurt myself and the other kids if I give in.

I need, for once, to be loved.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

God bless Brother Norby

One of my dear, favorite teachers from my high school years, seminary teacher Brother Richard Norby, was hurt in the Brussels Belgium terrorist attack last night.  My heart and prayers go with him.

http://mygoodreport.blogspot.com/2016/03/the-light-that-shines-in-brussels.html

Sunday, November 01, 2015

And the winner is...

Laura Thomas! You win a copy of Dark Birth! I need your email so we can converse. Laura? Can you see this?

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Welcome to the 6th Annual Spooktacular Giveaway Hop!

Once more it's time for the Spooktacular Giveaway Hop! Can you believe it's actually that time again?



Yup it is!

This year I'm giving you a second chance to win the first book in the Night Children series.
One lucky person who posts in the comments will get NIGHT CHILDREN: DARK BIRTH for free. 






Here's what it's about...

Annabelle and Roland’s lives changed forever after they died. Annabelle is terrified of facing Dominic, the master vampire who killed their parents. She’d rather get a stake to the heart than fight him but a confrontation is inevitable. Roland is thirsty for the battle, longing for revenge. They train to survive Dominic and waves of his loyal werewolves, vampires, sasquatches and dark witches.

As if their new undead lives weren't complicated enough, they must rescue a real witch from the Salem Witch Trials and dodge lethal attacks from a cruel monster hunter.


They have a short season to master their new abilities, including transforming into bats and mesmerizing others, before Dominic and his dark warriors launch their final, devastating attack. 


Sounds great? Well then comment below!

And don't forget to check out these many mighty hoppers too!



Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Life, don't talk to me about life

Actually it's pretty good. I'm working at a great job with benefits, all is well with my family, and I'm hard at work on book 3 of the Night Children series.

But GAH! I haven't posted in over a year!

Sorry folks. I'll do better.

Here's a pic...

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Welcome to the 5th Annual Spooktacular Giveaway Hop!


Hey there! Once again I'm part of the Spooktacular Giveaway Hop! hosted by I Am A Reader, Not A Writer
And what am I giving away? 
Hmmm... Maybe I'll give away free witch visits to your house?


Nawww. That's pretty raciest or something.
How about a pet werewolf?


Nope. They shed.

I know! An autograph photo from Dracula!


No. He's got better things to do.

How about the opportunity to babysit?

Heh. She's just so cute! And I won't have to leave any food for her to eat. You'll bring her food with you!
What's wrong? Why are you looking at the door? No! Don't leave!
I KNOW! Why don't I throw all those things in to one FREE gift? A book!



One lucky person who posts in the comments will get NIGHT CHILDREN: DARK BIRTH for free. 

Here's what it's about...

Annabelle and Roland’s lives changed forever after they died. Annabelle is terrified of facing Dominic, the master vampire who killed their parents. She’d rather get a stake to the heart than fight him but a confrontation is inevitable. Roland is thirsty for the battle, longing for revenge. They train to survive Dominic and waves of his loyal werewolves, vampires, sasquatches and dark witches.

As if their new undead lives weren't complicated enough, they must rescue a real witch from the Salem Witch Trials and dodge lethal attacks from a cruel monster hunter.


They have a short season to master their new abilities, including transforming into bats and mesmerizing others, before Dominic and his dark warriors launch their final, devastating attack. 


Sounds great? Well then comment below!

And don't forget to check out these many mighty hoppers too!










Sunday, September 21, 2014

I'm now on Wattpad



Wattpad is a place where you can sample chapters of books for free!
Come check out Dark Birth Chapter 1 out this week and I'll be posting each chapter each week!

5th Annual Children’s Book Festival with me!

Don't forget! I'll be at the 5th Annual Children’s Book Festival Program this Saturday the 27th from 10:am to 2:pm. It will be at the Community Learning Center in Tooele.

Come join the fun!