Saturday, February 23, 2008

The critique group is smokin!

Ok, that's an old term, but it's the only thing to come to mind.

I resented my 6th revision version of chapter one. This was "the Eliza chapter", formally known as chapter 4 or 5 depending on the rev.
They wanted more on the how and who of Annabelle's world. The necessary stuff that just happened to be cut thanks to prior revs. I guess I cut it too soon.
I explained about the story behind the story. I told about the Falabranwyn and the true mission for Annabelle and Roland.
They said a simple thought that shocked me. Basically, instead of keeping those things secret, why not bring them up in a pre-scene?

I should say now that in the versions where I cut the Foresight's arrival and the intro of the Dunstons always fell short. Those events were very important so I had to TELL about them later instead of SHOWING them like I originally had done.

Now those scenes are back, with some simplifications, more showing things from Ann's perspective and best of all, a beginning scene from Eliza's abused, scared perspective. This scene stars Dominic in all his evil and after he leaves, Sybil the Falabranwyn with her brief foreshadowing on Ann and Roland. Also, Sybil explains why Annabelle acts and thinks older than her years.

I don't know where this scene was. Why didn't I come up with it before?

Anyway, they loved it.
I should say here that while they know their faults and shortcomings, the other members of the group are all published. They've done short stories and online stories. They also know all the rules and try to follow them in their stories.

I've learned a lot and hope to learn more. I really need to show vs tell and I'm still trying to soften the wording, use less of it and try to speak in my true voice. I only made it through a 4th of the manuscript in my last edits so I'll catch up when the critique group gets to that point.

So much to do and I'm scared that this version is no better than the others.

I do like this group though.

Grant and Jason added me as thier friend!

While I wasted time traveling through the net, looking over various sites on my favorite paranormal chasers, the Ghost Hunters, I discovered that they are on Myspace.

I requested that they add me as a friend and they did! I still can't get over how you can meet and talk casually with real celebrities on the web. It's amazingly cool.

So now they're on my friend list. It's great! I should send them a message, telling them about our ghost encounters.