Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Half my heart, half my soul

Do you know what it’s like?
I drift through life, unknowing. You’re there beside me like always. A comforting companion in life’s journey. I continue on, assuming the longevity.

Then I’m here. Trapped. I stare through these bars, reaching for your hand. Where is my companion? Where is she who has always been there?

But my hands grasp at that cursed empty air. My heart pulls away, bit by bit. It’s reaching across the miles for you. Where is my heart? Where is my mind? Where is my soul?

Half of everything I dream. Half of everything I think. Half of everything I laugh about. Half of everything I long for. Half of my heart. Half of my soul.

That’s what you are. After fifteen years of marriage, two years of dating, total seventeen years of life, I am defined by you. I can’t exist in this dark world without you. I can’t perform the simplest functions if half of my everything is missing.

I’m incomplete. I sit here at this temporary, foolish, small little existence. I sit here at work, but my soul reaches outward. I sit as if I’m behind iron bars. I DO NOT BELONG HERE! My soul is elsewhere. My soul is beside you. Guarding you. Protecting you. Why am I here? If my essence is with you in that hospital room, what is left here in this ‘cell’?

I know this stupid remaining hour of ‘prison’ will soon be lifted. Then I shall fly to your side. If I could pull this sickness out, wrestle with it and throw it far from you, I would. If I could open my chest and command the infection to jump into my body and free you, I WOULD!

You suffer too much. You deserve better. You don’t belong in that hospital. You belong with me. I might be selfish to think so because without you I am scraps of a man, but then again I cant have you suffering. It’s my job to block those monsters.

I love you. Three words but truthfulness is in each one. A defining statement that tries to best explain my heart. How else can I exclaim that you are my reason?

I love you, my half of heart. I love you my support. I love you my companion in all things. I love you my soul.

I love you.

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