Crit won't get me down...

It's a funny thing. Seems after I get a positive experience, a negative one happens. LOL.

Well, no biggie.
For some reason my old query letter review post resurfaced on Absolute Write. People were reviewing a query that had been changed for awhile. I explained that my query is waiting until I get my book further sorted out and thanked them for their opinions.

Then another post from March resurfaced. I posted my 1st chapter at the password protected Share Your Work section of Absolute Write back in March as well. Got mixed results and some good advice. Well today, out of the blue, some one ripped it a new one in such a way as to make me want to chuck the 1st chapter (what would that be? The 5th or 6th version of the 1st chap?) and write another brand new one.

Or I could cut straight to them marching into the woods and the action.
Or I could gut big sections of the entire book and expand the Salem chap.
I'm already going through a crisis in faith as to what my novel needs as seen in earlier posts.

Memories of that E-Pub rejection resurfaces. After what that surprise review of Chap 1 said, it's no wonder I was told it read like a rough draft.

Memories of past critique partners telling me to shelf Annabelle and write something else resurfaces. I should do that, too.

So am I freaking again? Nope. Sounds like it but no. With those eager faces still in my mind (from my speaking engagement this afternoon at the school), I'm forging ahead.

I've just had so many regular folk read and edit that I'm lost. I don't know if I'm coming or going. I really need to look at what should go, what should stay, what should be rewritten and if the entire first book should be scrapped and I should start over.

Guess that's why I need a pro editor to give me an opinion I can trust. I'm not saying I can't trust fellow first time unpublished authors. I'm not saying I can't trust friends, co-workers, family or e-published authors. I'm not saying I shouldn't trust critique groups or betas or teachers.

All I'm saying is that for five years I've heard what feels like a thousand voices shouting their opinions (some well learned, others deeply felt) in my brain and all I know is that I've always known nothing.

But despite this, I'm not quitting. I'll keep going and pushing. There are things I do know.

1)If I stop writing Book 2 with two chapters left, I may never go back and I wont have the same momentum. This has to be done. Once finished I can shelf Book 2 till I'm ready (if ever) for it.

2)I still believe in this book, this series and these characters. I still have my passion and I know this will work. I truly do. I know it has to work and it will. I just don't know how.

3)I honestly need a learned opinion on the best way to market Annabelle. I'm all mixed up. My ideas and concepts gain interest, but either how I'm executing them or how the 1st Chap is showing them is wrong. Is the whole book wrong? Is it the newest version of chap 1? Should I cut to the smallest version of book 1 and add more in the history dept? Should I shelf it and start later in their lives? Tell something different about them? How will this start? I need someone who understands the market and what truly is "wrong" instead of their opinion of it.

4)I should take that break everyone is telling me about. I should begin Myths or my time travel novel or something completely different. I know in my bones I can't stay away too long, but it would only help.

So there you go. I don't want answers and I'm not stressed or mad. Just need several things done.

Spoke to another class

Today I had the opportunity to speak with a class of 8th graders about my novel. They really enjoyed my visit.
I started out by showing them pics of my main characters and some settings. I then explained the story for the first book. I sat down and read part of chapter 27 (Salem) and then asked for questions.

Right away the kids said they liked it and then asked several things about my writing experience and the novel itself. The only questions I had a hard time with are the following;
"When will it get published?"
I stated a hopeful goal but I'm of course unsure. They seemed alright with that.
"What did you think of Salem when you walked through it?"
He thought I actually went there to observe. I had to explain that everything I've learned has been from books and study but I'd like to one day visit.

It was a wonderful experience and I can't wait till the time when I actually can share it with a wide audience.

Money blues

Hello,

I've been away working my butt off. We've had a stressful project at work and it's caused me to work a lot of over time. Every night I come home exhausted and wake each morning still tired. There is a lot of mental stress involved, trying to make sure everything is correct.

You'd think the silver lining with all this over time is that I would be able to save for that editor. Wrong. Too much money going out to bills. I feel like I'm working for nothing.

I shouldn't complain. A co-worker is salary and all the extra time he spends at home and work on this project counts as free labor. At least I can pay for bills. Still, it would be nice to squirrel away something for that editor. Or maybe buy one of those figures I want.

I guess I'm just over tired.

There is a sliver of good news, however. After three weeks of hard time at work, I stole fifteen minutes to write some of book two. I haven't been able to start something new yet, but I'm just happy to write anything at all.

Workin’ It Out

Don't forget! Check out my article, Workin’ It Out, is on the Charge of the Write Brigade.

Restart perspective

OK my mysterious lurking friends, I'm back up again. Various people, chief among them my wife, three friends (Michelle, Rick and Don) and my sister in law have all given me great advice.

Three principle things have been advised my most. Not everyone said all three but these were the things I needed to hear.

1) See professional help. LOL! Yes, I could always us that kind, but what they mean is "Get the opinions of an editor". I have gotten a lot of help from friends, family and other writers. It's time to pay a professional editor to look for what can make this puppy shine.

2)Don't quit. Now I may go on about my stress, lament the process and cast negative aspirations about my abilities, but the truth is this novel series and as a whole, writing in general, is in my blood. Don't worry. I can't stay away too long.

3)Take a break. This does not mean take a break from writing. I go on and on about Annabelle. I tweet about her, I have a Myspace page I never update devoted to her, and so on. I have my reasons for that. Chief among them is the fact it's a drive to share her stories with kids, for Annabelle and Roland to inspire and entertain children. So that's why I'm all about her and her book.

But every writer knows that we get too close to our books. We need to step away for awhile. Write something else. I do have other ideas, formed into notes and plans. I don't discuss them because I want to keep it under my hat. Family and close friends know about them, but that's all. It's time to begin one of those other novels. I have three chapters left of book two. I'll finish because I don't want to loose the momentum. Then I'll shelf book two and take a break from her world. I'll begin my fantasy novel that has no vampires in it at all.

So there you go. My plan of action.

Tired of rejection

Really thinking about quiting. Guess I go through this a lot when faced with points of view opposite mine.

I received a rejection to that e-publisher. I was told my manuscript reads like a rough draft.
That hurt because I've given it to many people and changed a great deal along the way. I realize they've only seen the 1st chapter but what if they're right? They suggested I rewrite the whole thing.

Don't they realize I already did?

Someone told me I should have a paid editor look at it. I know that's good advice. I need a Content and substantive editor to see if this book is crap or if it can be saved.

I'm tired. No one can truly help. Others like it but they're not agents and editors.

In a sea of vampire romance, who gives a crap about young vampire adventure? And if after all that work it still reads like a rough draft, why try anymore?

Random thoughts

I've been busy at work so lunch time is either interrupted by people who need stuff, cut short because of the stuff I need to do or spent being brain dead instead of focusing.

I hope today to keep on my writing agenda. There are about five chapters of book 2 left. Five! If I could just finish them I'd actually have book 2 truly finished. Not like I posted a couple years ago, when I mistakenly cut it in half and finished the 1st half. No, this would mean book two is a self contained story.

So after these five chapters, I'm planing on writing something non-Annabelle. There is a fantasy project that I've wanted to create since I was in high school (I'm 42 so that was a long time).

The cravings are still there for more Annabelle, but people tell me I should have something different.

Book tech support.

Something light.

Ok, feeling better

I posted the last blog entry on Absolute Write and received a lot of positive responses.

Don't worry guys, I'm feeling much better.

After a bunch of good replies I replied thus:

"Thank you. Everyone, thank you very much.
Writing is a funny thing. Once I finished venting my frustration I realized that I didn’t really mean to quit. As others have said, one (or many) negative opinions will not deter me. But I did need to hear other obsessed writers weigh in on the matter.

Smish, I didn’t ever think you were in it for the money. In fact I have nothing against you but instead have respect. You sound like you have a great dream and I commend you on it. My obsession is steering me to help/inspire/entertain children from 11 on up so chapter books are not in my path but my children love them. All the power to you. I hope you get your answers and continue to climb.

Thanks again, guys. I had a momentary drop in faith. Had them before and I will again. But it’s just turbulence ladies and gentlemen. We’re still on our journey and will be arriving at our destination, published land, at some point in the future. Feel free to move about the cabin.

I’m five chapters away from finishing the second book in the SERIES so I think I’ll finish it. Then I’ll start a new book with different characters because that’s the plan."

Not going anywhere people. I'm staying on this path.

My name is Jack Roberts and I'm an obsessed writer.

Maybe I should quit this stupid writing obsession.

I apologize ahead for the following rant but I need to get it out and see what others think about the topic.
I'm pissed. I just read an editor's thoughts on writers who create series before they've even sold their first book.

Series Potential, Seriously? by Editorial Anonymous.

Now let me be clear. I know the quality of the writing is the most important thing. I know we must write self contained stories and I realize we do not query about plans for a series.
Agents and editors take a risk every time they sign up a new author. Most of us do not know the full extent of the business. It's all about making money and if we as authors come off with these large plans I guess it scares away the businessmen cause they see us as risks who only live in our little worlds.
So she/he is of course right. But this quote hurts and I wonder if it's a dream killer.

"More than that, experience has proven to most editors that the authors who are all excited about writing a series are either:
a) people who are under delusions of the millions of dollars there are to be made in children's books and who are uninterested in the quality of their writing in their pursuit of those dollars, or
b) people who are unhealthily obsessed with their creation and whose last interaction with reality was passing it in the street months ago, when they couldn't quite place where they knew reality from. It looked familiar... did its name start with an "R," maybe, or a "D"?"

From the very beginning I've seen this book idea as a series. I see the characters growing and learning throughout the books and I see the readers enjoying their stories. Maybe learning something from history at the same time.
But it's never been about money. Of course I need money to get out of debt, but that's what my day-job is for. Writers don't make much money. Sure, there are success stories but you cant measure against them. It's like winning the lottery.

A writer should write because they have a dream or passion that drives them. Writers should write because they love to share stories. Writers should write because they want to lift or entertain others.
Writers should never write to become richer than the Queen of England. Yes, lightning strikes, but that is based on many, many others feeling what you feel about your ideas and quite frankly that's up to what they need. If they need your story, great, but if they don't, it doesn't matter how well you write it, they wont read it.
That being said, I can swear to you point "a" in the above quote is not me. I never wrote a word in the hopeless expectation to receive cash.

But what about point "b"? Am I obsessed?
OK, she/he said "unhealthily obsessed with their creation and whose last interaction with reality".

I have songs from Lastat the musical. I have vampire themed music to get me in the mood for writing. I read vampire books because I want to make sure I'm not copying other authors. I Draw Annabelle pics for the Writer's Blog to break up the monotony of the text. I have pics of my characters for my screen saver. My blogger ID is "Scribe of Annabelle". I joke about the muse driving me and refer to it as Annabelle.
So yes. I'm obsessed.

Have I lost my connection with reality? I work a 40 work week as a drafter. I focus on my job and work very hard. I come home and help with the kids homework unless they're finished. Then I do dishes, help my gorgeous wife with dinner and enjoy a meal with the family. I watch TV or movies with them and then read my son a bed time story (and no, it's NOT my novel) then walk the dogs for a block or more. I close off the night with quality time with my wife, and then go to bed to wake up at 4:30 am to start all over again. I pay my house mortgage, car payment and other bills. I meet with my kids teachers to make sure they are doing well.

OK, so even though I act normal, I'm obsessed with my story because of the reasons above. I'm lost because I happen to love my characters and see so much in their future.
DAMMIT.
Rowling was obsessed because she had plans. Shan, Meyers, Hunter, so many others must've been obsessed too then. After all, in their first books they had seeds planted for future books. Did they have notes, too?

I know the first book may never sell. I realize it may die on its feet. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't dream of a series. I shouldn't have a bigger plan.
Writing this novel has made me a better writer. I’ve learned so much and continue to try and improve my skills. I do plan to write other things. Just because I have planed for a series doesn't mean I'm deluded or out of focus with reality.

I don't know. I guess that's why all the agents reject me now. My query doesn't go into any of this. It doesn't even mention a series. But maybe they've seen me on the web going on about Annabelle and they said "No way in hell we're representing him."
Guess I'm screwed. I blew it and all I wanted to do was share it with the world.
Stupid.

Claudia isn't the girl I "knew"

Years ago (five years next month) I watched Interview With a Vampire. As you know, all the Claudia scenes struck a chord within me that I couldn’t identify.

After some probing and finally some writing I discovered it wasn’t Claudia that truly struck me, but the concept of a child vampire. Of course from there we have Annabelle.

But all this time I’ve wondered about the “real” Claudia. Hollywood changes things to better fit the medium and I knew Kristen Dunst couldn’t have been absolutely book accurate.

Well, after all this time I’ve finally bought Anne Rice’s book and come to discover that “book Claudia” is different.

It’s amazing what difference size can make. Claudia was six and much shorter. Louis holds her in his arms as he walks but her power over him is very much like the wrinkled up tiny Voldermort in Wormtail’s arms. She’s more commanding and malevolent.

There are a great deal of similarities. She loves to read, is very smart and enjoys a good “meal”. She is tired of toys and wants to be older.

But the tiny size in my mind is a bigger difference than the hair color (“book Claudia” is blonde, not red). She’s just so wicked. I guess Rice was showing how innocence can look corrupt.

I wonder, if a CGI Claudia was used to show a six year old terror instead of double the age, or if Dunst played her more malevolent, would I have been inspired to create someone as completely different as Annabelle?

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version

I really love this version.

Funny Pictures

I found a new "thing"! I decided since some of my fellow posters on the Write Brigade blog use pics to break up their articles, I should do it too.

And since my brain thinks in terms of writing/music/ART why the crud do I not make my own pics? After all, why not show Annabelle and Roland in cartoon form to illustrate my points?

Here is my first two pics. Interesting enough, the first one is Anna as she is in the first novel but the second turned out taller and thinner. Thing is, the second one takes place in the mid-seventies so Ann and Roland would've Advanced somewhat by then. So she would be taller.

Ooops. That was a spoiler.





And I've already got an idea for the next one!

Check out
Annabelle and Roland, The Site.

18 years!

Yesterday I spent a wonderful day with my wife. Our 18th wedding anniversary is Sunday so we decided to spend the day together.

We had a very wonderful day. There is a local amusement park nearby called Lagoon. Went spent a couple hours at the water park, then goofed around the city, ultimately going to dinner and watching Time Traveler's Wife.

A great day. Wish we had more but with four kids and seven pets, time is precious.

Muse is pulling my chain

Ever since I decided to try e-publishing, my muse has been on fire! I can't stop working on my novel. It's like a drug fix (not that I would know). It nags at me, constantly pulling me to "it".

Sometimes "it" is working on a submission to an agent or e-publisher. Sometimes "it" means working on my platform (my web presence) and sometimes "it" means the novel, or world building.

This feeling is obsessive and I'm glad. I need to be pushed. In fact I shouldn't be posting this. I need to write!



Check out
Annabelle and Roland, The Site.

Change in direction

Last weekend I was reading a wonderful
interview from lit agent Nikki Van de Car. I really enjoy these guest posters on the Brigade blog because they give a great deal of useful information.

During the interview Michelle asked Nikki...

Michelle: "What do you think of authors who have self-published? Is it a career breaker or does it depend on the number of books they've sold? How about any who've been e-published?"

Nikki: "I don't think of it as a career breaker. For a very small number of people, it can be a career maker, but most authors can't sell tens of thousands of copies of books they've self-published--and you're not expected to. When I see a query from an author who has been self-published, it tells me that he or she is dedicated. And in the case of e-books as well, it says they have some experience in putting their work out there."

Now I have no desire whatsoever of self-publishing but the concept of e-publishing has always intrigued me. My wife Janeen has discussed this with me recently and some time age my friend Willard did the same. In fact I've read in various agent blogs how it's the future.

My goal, ladies and gentlemen, has always been to follow this dream to it's expected destination. I knew very early on that Annabelle had to get out into the world. To meet that endeavor, I tried chasing after lit agents. To sell your book to a publisher you must 1st find an agent to represent you. I will continue to do this.

With the tough economy agents are picking fewer 1st time authors. So it might be awhile before Annabelle gets anywhere.

One thing I did not fully realize was that most authors start small. But starting with a tiny audience that grows with time and effort is better than standing still.

So I made the decision to try e-publishers. I chose one, carefully groomed a submission package and sent it out.

It's a two month wait on word and I know I should always expect rejection but I can't help but feel nervous.



Check out
Annabelle and Roland, The Site.

Charge of the Write Brigade

I've received a great honor. A fellow writer friend has invited me to join her gathering of authors. As a first time author, I feel humbled.


It's called the
Charge of the Write Brigade. Various authors provide insight on the vast world of writing.

I will be posting articles on the writing process and the things I've learned. Come visit!

Update

All is well. I’ve been assaulted with sickness but I’m doing better. Hey, it wasn’t the swine flu so I’m counting my blessings.

Work has been crazy. I’m under a deadline for the end of the month at it appears I’ll make it despite the load of drawings and constant interruptions at the office.
I’m seriously rocking on the second book. I’ve got roughly ten more chapters to finish. This next chap really excites me. Ruthless Rach, under Dominic’s control, is tasked with killing Annabelle. Poor Ann isn’t going to like it one bit.

I’ve been so busy with family and work that my submissions have stopped. I need to get back on the horse. Sometimes I look at the constant barrage of vampires in ever medium and I fear my voice will never be heard.

As some may notice, I’ve removed several entries from this blog. For years I’ve allowed Caption the Pic a weekly update here. This blog should be used for ramblings on my life and writing. I have a different site for the Caption Pics and the two should no longer mix.

I’m in the process of cleaning and restructuring my sites. Time is always limited but expect more updates soon.

Father's Day Hoedown!

Ah Disney, I knew you well

Two weeks ago this morning my family entered Disneyland for the 1st time in 12 years. It was amazing. After 1/2 a year of counting down, we left in the morning (4:30 am) and drove from Utah to California. We arrived at Anaheim around 4 in the afternoon. We ate then enjoyed the pool and hot tub.

On Friday morning we entered the park and a week's worth of fun occurred. We ate the Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast (how do they make them taste exactly the same as they did when I was 6 in the early 70's?), rode our favorite rides and walked our legs off. I think I lost 10 lbs.

I want to give you a day by day report, but I'm tired and it'll take too long. Suffice to say, we didn't do everything we wanted at Disneyland and California Adventure, but that's only because we chose to ride our 8-9 favorite rides up to 4 times during those 6 days at the parks. That's fine by me. :)

It was perfect and now we want to go again next year. Hope we do.