It wasn't good. I don't care about the contest because the prize was for pages to be sent to Rachael Vater, and she's already rejected my book twice.
I entered to get feed back and that's just what I got. One of the published authors who frequent the site judged my hook on whether it could grab him or her. Some things held it back.
I really do appreciate the chance so don't think I'm whining. I'm just concerned because . . . well take a look.
Hook 61
What happens when you take two happy, optimistic kids, and turn them into vampires? Ten year old Annabelle loves animals and has a strong desire to learn. She would much rather read her favorite books than explore. Her brother Roland is twelve and thinks reading is boring. He’d be happier exploring. It is the late 1600s and their family had just moved from England to the New World . Annabelle and Roland’s lives are shattered when the evil vampire Dominic kills their parents and leaves the children to die. His wife does not agree with his actions but has always been too afraid to rebel. Seeing the children’s plight, she acts on impulse and rescues them the only way she knows how, by transforming them into what she is and teaching them how to become children of the night.
Annabelle and Roland learn how to turn into bats and wolves. They struggle to control their cravings while mastering their vampiric abilities. Annabelle and her brother befriend the Mohegan Indians, free a witch from the Salem jail, hide from a ruthless vampire hunter and struggle to keep their existence as vampires a secret in their colonial town. They grow from inexperienced young children to confident teenagers while facing Dominic’s wicked servants. Each vampire, witch and werewolf that tries to kill them is tougher than the last until finally, after years of apprehension mixed with fear, they confront the master vampire who slaughtered their parents. Future uncertain, the teen vampires must try and stop Dominic before he destroys everything they hold dear.
Notes—My first thought to your opening question was “Happy vampires?” This could be fun, though—you’ve put young adult vampires into a time we don’t read too much about. I was a little concerned Dominic turned the kids at such a young age, and wondered if it couldn't’t have happened to them when they older? Older kids might be better able to survive/blend in—just a thought. As for the description of the two kids—can you dig a little deeper than simply giving them the opposite interests? Also, their interests don’t come into play in your synopsis—perhaps they do in the text, but since you make a point of telling me Annabelle likes to read, I thought that might come up later on.
I also wondered about the available books in this time—not light reading for a ten year old. As for the rest, it seems episodic—attack after attack—each stronger than the last. Why is Dominic sending creatures to kill them? And I don’t get a sense of what they “hold dear”. Are their friends in peril? Again, my first thoughts were that this could be fun—the setting is unique, but I need to see a story arc.
---
OK, me again. I noticed that she/he didn't see that it was Eliza who turned the kids. At first I thought I didn't clarify that well, but there it is in the first paragraph.
I'm concerned though. She/he mentions that the kids should be older. Aprilynne said the same thing. Do I loose the happy little bats and children learning to be young vamps? The kids at the school loved those things. I really believe in my gut it should stay that way.
Also, in my query/hook I mentioned the ageing of the children at the middle of the book. The guys at Absolute Write told me that detracted from the hook. Now I see where it would help. It's a major part of the book, watching these young kids change into teens overnight. It relates with the same growing pain problems pre-teens go through all over the world. I want to mention it but how?
In the book I cover how Annabelle could have gotten a hold of books
during those days. Her father was a bookbinder. Maybe I should mention that?
Episodic. That's what Adam said after reading the book. Maybe it is. Maybe it wont sell because of that. How can I fix this? Should I throw the book away and rewrite?
Here's what someone else said in the responses...
lnhammer on April 25th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)
I'm very intrigued by #61, but with reservations. It's that each opponent is tougher than the last thing -- like a sorting algorithm of evil. Rather than training them up, why wasn't a tough enough minion sent to take care of things first time through? It makes the plot sound very by-the-numbers.
Ouch! Very true.
Man, it feels like I almost have it. It's like my goal is just outside of my reach.
This, combined with my fear for Janeen's present physical health and mental welfare, has made my mood deeply concerned and very unrested.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
WWII Robot battle!
Here's a site where these guys did some great computer animations.
My favorite is a WWII Giant Robot battle.
Here’s their site.
And now, thanks to Chris Karath, here it is!
My favorite is a WWII Giant Robot battle.
Here’s their site.
And now, thanks to Chris Karath, here it is!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA!
My eldest turned 14 today! Happy B-Day!
She has a friend over and family came down and cake was had by all.
She has a friend over and family came down and cake was had by all.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Contest update
I now have a number for the Fangs Fur Fey contest!
I got this email...
Hello. You are hook #61 in the Fangs, Fur and Fey contest. Please look for that number on Monday, April 23rd at Fangs Fur Fey when we post the hooks.
Your hook has not been assigned to a judge for critiquing yet. Hooks will be randomly assigned this weekend. Good luck and thanks for entering!
Fangs, Fur and Fey
...
Cool, huh?
I got this email...
Hello. You are hook #61 in the Fangs, Fur and Fey contest. Please look for that number on Monday, April 23rd at Fangs Fur Fey when we post the hooks.
Your hook has not been assigned to a judge for critiquing yet. Hooks will be randomly assigned this weekend. Good luck and thanks for entering!
Fangs, Fur and Fey
...
Cool, huh?
Friday, April 13, 2007
Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione
While I'm showing YouTube videos,
Here's a great tribute to Harry and Ginny, as well as Ron and Hermione.
They mispelled July, but it's still sweet.
Here's a great tribute to Harry and Ginny, as well as Ron and Hermione.
They mispelled July, but it's still sweet.
Two greats together . . . sort of.
So cool. Doctor Who mentions Harry Potter.
Man, I can't wait till both book 7 and the airing of Season 3 of the Doctor here in the states.
Man, I can't wait till both book 7 and the airing of Season 3 of the Doctor here in the states.
FAN-FRICKEN-TASTIC! GREAT NEWS!
I received a request for my partial and I'm in the contest!
I entered a Hook contest at Fangs Fur and Fey. Now published authors will look at the first two paragraphs of my query and post it online, with serious thoughts that can help me improve it. I got in! Can't wait to get my email stating what number I'll be.
Here’s the recent post on the Fangs Fur and Fey site.
Now, for even better news! I got a request for a partial! YES!
Now I'm going to be practical about this. It could end up being a rejection still. I must expect the rejection.
But still, getting my foot in the door is the first battle!
I hope those first four chapters hook her. I feel greatly confident about the first chapter, but the second one (Family entering the New World), second and third ones (there's a mystery in town.) and the forth one (AAIIE! There's a spooky cabin on our land at the mysterious 'witch' rumors are true!) worry me greatly.
Actually, only chapters 2-3 worry me. If I get a ton of rejections this time I'm going to condense them and rework them.
So, today is a very good day. :)
I entered a Hook contest at Fangs Fur and Fey. Now published authors will look at the first two paragraphs of my query and post it online, with serious thoughts that can help me improve it. I got in! Can't wait to get my email stating what number I'll be.
Here’s the recent post on the Fangs Fur and Fey site.
Now, for even better news! I got a request for a partial! YES!
Now I'm going to be practical about this. It could end up being a rejection still. I must expect the rejection.
But still, getting my foot in the door is the first battle!
I hope those first four chapters hook her. I feel greatly confident about the first chapter, but the second one (Family entering the New World), second and third ones (there's a mystery in town.) and the forth one (AAIIE! There's a spooky cabin on our land at the mysterious 'witch' rumors are true!) worry me greatly.
Actually, only chapters 2-3 worry me. If I get a ton of rejections this time I'm going to condense them and rework them.
So, today is a very good day. :)
Monday, April 09, 2007
Busy
Work is so darn busy. It used to be that I could write a PV story in one setting. Now my lunch never lasts.
Sigh.
Guess I'd better evolve with the times and adjust my schedule.
Sigh.
Guess I'd better evolve with the times and adjust my schedule.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Tired, little sore, but happy
There is an amusement park called Lagoon here in Northern Utah. We bought season passes and Saturday was the first day it opened. We've been looking forward to it all winter.
We had a good time, but man are we tired.
Whew.
We had a good time, but man are we tired.
Whew.
Happy Easter '07
It was a good one. Pretty simple. We decorated eggs last night. My wife was too sleepy (because of our first day at Lagoon) and missed out on the Easter Bunny coming and hiding eggs.
This morn.Dave woke Janeen and I up with a cold he's got. He crawled back into our bed but It was too late. The damage was done. The girls woke and that's all she wrote for sleeping in.
Everyone had fun finding their baskets and the eggs and now we're taking the day off and relaxing.
So, all in all, a good Easter.
Update, we went to a family picnic and had a good time. Then we bathed the dogs and kids.
This morn.Dave woke Janeen and I up with a cold he's got. He crawled back into our bed but It was too late. The damage was done. The girls woke and that's all she wrote for sleeping in.
Everyone had fun finding their baskets and the eggs and now we're taking the day off and relaxing.
So, all in all, a good Easter.
Update, we went to a family picnic and had a good time. Then we bathed the dogs and kids.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Better
I'm feeling better guys. Thanks to my wife, Willard and Dani, plus some of the guys on AW (especially Triceratops, poster/published writer), I feel 100% again.
I submitted two electronic quires and prepared two snail mail ones to mail tomorrow. I feel that I should write some Parodyverse stories and let the book go out to agents. Maybe some non-New York ones, and smaller press ones. Maybe I'll try an editor too.
Anyway, I'm back in the saddle. My real problem is proper time management. I only have lunch, before and after work to write or query. That's not enough time.
I'll get it though.
I submitted two electronic quires and prepared two snail mail ones to mail tomorrow. I feel that I should write some Parodyverse stories and let the book go out to agents. Maybe some non-New York ones, and smaller press ones. Maybe I'll try an editor too.
Anyway, I'm back in the saddle. My real problem is proper time management. I only have lunch, before and after work to write or query. That's not enough time.
I'll get it though.
British covers (clues?)
What's with the shiny castle? The snake in the ball, why? What are the trio in? Gold? Is that Harry's money?
Cover to Harry Potter 7!
As I'm sure you already know, the cover to book 7 has been released.
Can't wait till this one! I'll be sad when it's over. If only there was a book out there that could grab people and keep them entertained.
Hmm.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Painful rejection
I just received a rejection from a certain agent. This is the same agent who wrote a note on my query last October, stating that she held onto it for awhile but ultimately didn’t go with it because of all the editing.
After a great deal of editing I resubmitted to her.
Here is what she said…
“This is going to be frustrating to hear, but last fall a lot of YA & middle grade editors were looking for vampire & werewolf type novels. Now they aren’t. Trends come & go quickly. It will probably come back around again, but probably not until fall again. Or even later if the publishers don’t feel these books sold as well as they hoped.”
So what does this mean? Should I just give up and wait? Last fall? You mean last fall as in the season that she got my query the first time? It was last fall that every one rejected it. Should I have skipped the agents and went straight to the editors last fall? Is it too late now? Is she for real? Should I just quit and take her word for it? DAMN!
Ok, let’s count the facts.
1.Getting started at a published writer means getting an agent and agents are fickle with what they want. The one thing that you can count on is that they expect everything to be unworthy and unmarketable.
2. Editors feel the same way as agents and even if you do by some miracle convince one that you’ve got the stuff, that your story has the stuff, they have to convince a group of editors who expect failure.
3. While you may have tried your novel with the age bracket, and they liked it and honestly wanted more, the opinions of the age bracket means squat to the professionals. You’re not supposed to tell them that readers liked it. They don’t care. If they don’t think it will sell, who cares if a bunch of kids think otherwise? Even if it’s the kids who would buy it in the first place.
4. The fiction I originally set out to do is no longer desired by editors or agents. I didn’t sit down one day and say “Hey, how about vampires?” No, the idea came to me in a powerful, overwhelming passion. I never cared about vampires, yet I had to write it. This character had to get out to schools, libraries and any where else. She had to teach and entertain children. She had to make their lives better. I feel in my bones that this is right and the thirty kids who read it feel the same way. I’m told “Write something else.” Well I have other stories in me, tons of them. But the passion is with Annabelle. The passion is with this story.
I don’t know what to do. I could, in one gust of fury, take the passion and rewrite the first two chapters, but why? Why do anything?
A small voice filled with passion, one that feels “right”, tells me she was just one agent. She’s just one opinion. The voice says to keep trying. She’s not the voice of every agent or editor. Don’t let her get you down.
On the other hand, she is a professional. Her ear is set to the industry. How could she be wrong? I’m just a clueless little wannabe writer. I know nothing. She’s clearly right and I’m clueless optimistic. I’m stupid, living in a fantasy world of wish fulfillment. I’ve lost a lot of faith in this dream. This was the straw. Final straw? I have no clue. I have little clue about anything these days.
After a great deal of editing I resubmitted to her.
Here is what she said…
“This is going to be frustrating to hear, but last fall a lot of YA & middle grade editors were looking for vampire & werewolf type novels. Now they aren’t. Trends come & go quickly. It will probably come back around again, but probably not until fall again. Or even later if the publishers don’t feel these books sold as well as they hoped.”
So what does this mean? Should I just give up and wait? Last fall? You mean last fall as in the season that she got my query the first time? It was last fall that every one rejected it. Should I have skipped the agents and went straight to the editors last fall? Is it too late now? Is she for real? Should I just quit and take her word for it? DAMN!
Ok, let’s count the facts.
1.Getting started at a published writer means getting an agent and agents are fickle with what they want. The one thing that you can count on is that they expect everything to be unworthy and unmarketable.
2. Editors feel the same way as agents and even if you do by some miracle convince one that you’ve got the stuff, that your story has the stuff, they have to convince a group of editors who expect failure.
3. While you may have tried your novel with the age bracket, and they liked it and honestly wanted more, the opinions of the age bracket means squat to the professionals. You’re not supposed to tell them that readers liked it. They don’t care. If they don’t think it will sell, who cares if a bunch of kids think otherwise? Even if it’s the kids who would buy it in the first place.
4. The fiction I originally set out to do is no longer desired by editors or agents. I didn’t sit down one day and say “Hey, how about vampires?” No, the idea came to me in a powerful, overwhelming passion. I never cared about vampires, yet I had to write it. This character had to get out to schools, libraries and any where else. She had to teach and entertain children. She had to make their lives better. I feel in my bones that this is right and the thirty kids who read it feel the same way. I’m told “Write something else.” Well I have other stories in me, tons of them. But the passion is with Annabelle. The passion is with this story.
I don’t know what to do. I could, in one gust of fury, take the passion and rewrite the first two chapters, but why? Why do anything?
A small voice filled with passion, one that feels “right”, tells me she was just one agent. She’s just one opinion. The voice says to keep trying. She’s not the voice of every agent or editor. Don’t let her get you down.
On the other hand, she is a professional. Her ear is set to the industry. How could she be wrong? I’m just a clueless little wannabe writer. I know nothing. She’s clearly right and I’m clueless optimistic. I’m stupid, living in a fantasy world of wish fulfillment. I’ve lost a lot of faith in this dream. This was the straw. Final straw? I have no clue. I have little clue about anything these days.
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