Half my heart, half my soul

Do you know what it’s like?
I drift through life, unknowing. You’re there beside me like always. A comforting companion in life’s journey. I continue on, assuming the longevity.

Then I’m here. Trapped. I stare through these bars, reaching for your hand. Where is my companion? Where is she who has always been there?

But my hands grasp at that cursed empty air. My heart pulls away, bit by bit. It’s reaching across the miles for you. Where is my heart? Where is my mind? Where is my soul?

Half of everything I dream. Half of everything I think. Half of everything I laugh about. Half of everything I long for. Half of my heart. Half of my soul.

That’s what you are. After fifteen years of marriage, two years of dating, total seventeen years of life, I am defined by you. I can’t exist in this dark world without you. I can’t perform the simplest functions if half of my everything is missing.

I’m incomplete. I sit here at this temporary, foolish, small little existence. I sit here at work, but my soul reaches outward. I sit as if I’m behind iron bars. I DO NOT BELONG HERE! My soul is elsewhere. My soul is beside you. Guarding you. Protecting you. Why am I here? If my essence is with you in that hospital room, what is left here in this ‘cell’?

I know this stupid remaining hour of ‘prison’ will soon be lifted. Then I shall fly to your side. If I could pull this sickness out, wrestle with it and throw it far from you, I would. If I could open my chest and command the infection to jump into my body and free you, I WOULD!

You suffer too much. You deserve better. You don’t belong in that hospital. You belong with me. I might be selfish to think so because without you I am scraps of a man, but then again I cant have you suffering. It’s my job to block those monsters.

I love you. Three words but truthfulness is in each one. A defining statement that tries to best explain my heart. How else can I exclaim that you are my reason?

I love you, my half of heart. I love you my support. I love you my companion in all things. I love you my soul.

I love you.

Wife in hospital

My wife woke up in even more pain. She threw up and needed to go to the hospital. Since I've missed 7 days in the last 7 months, if I miss I'd be on probation.
So I drove down, woke her parents and begged them to help. They did. Her dad took her to the hospital while her mom will watch the kids.

The kids might miss school, again because my wife will be stressed that one one will be there to pick them up.

So now I go off to a stupid job where I DON'T want to be, working on things I DON'T want to work on, while she suffers what looks like an appendicitis.

I belong with her! It's not fair! What will I do tomorrow, when she's home and needs me?

My work wont tolerate it. Some of my bills are over due.

She needs me and I can't be there for her. DAMMIT!

sigh

Got in another argument with my eldest. I asked her if she had picked up her dirty clothes and she told me she had. When I entered the bathroom hours later, there they were on the floor. She didn't do it AND she lied about it. After I confronted her about it she screamed and fussed about my yelling and not listening. In other words, she tried to change the problem to me instead of owning up to her responsibilities and shortcomings.

Sigh.

All this and I'm dreading work tomorrow too. Today's absence marks number 7. The next one means probation. I'm so tired of the lecture. Why cant these employers understand that some people have families who need extra help?

Sooo, sorry guys. My mood isn't the best tonight. Maybe tomorrow it will improve.

At least I hope it will.

Home today

Well, here I am. I just drove the kids to school and now I find myself trolling message boards. I need to open up my WIP and do some writing.

I'm home because my sweetie has been sick for awhile now. She threw up and her stomach has been hurting her. I scheduled an appointment to take her to the doctor later this morn.

For the moment I've got some times on my hands.

Hmm. Write or browse the net?

UPDATE: The doc said stomach flu.

The class like it!

My teacher freind, Jeff, is reading my novel to his 6th grade class. I was scheduled to talk to the class this Friday, but he's still got a ways to read (it is 450 pgs after all). We've set my appearance back to January. That's cool with me becuase I want them to read a lot of it before I show up.

Anyway, I called him yesterday to check in and find out what the kids feelings and reactions were to the story.

They love it! The boys cheered "cool" during the part where the parents died (lol) and when vampire children found out they could turn to wolves.
The kids are asking for it and want to get to the next parts.

I was at the store on the cell when he told me the kids reactions. I did a dance right there!

"She's" doing it! She's getting more people to like her.

Oh agent! Where ARE you?

Tired

I'm beat. I get this way every Monday. It's hard to focus on work and my body calls out that it wants to go back to bed.

Sigh.

Well, just a bit longer and work will be done for the day.

Full Moon

Oh glorious orb of light. Oh great glowing champion of the night.
I walk my dogs in the crisp night air, looking upward at that beauty. It draws my attention like the porch light draws the moth.
I can't get enough. As my glasses fog and the chill rubs my cheeks, I find my eyes focusing on the glorious orb.
I see the marks of it, across it's surface like some strange map. I roam is shape, bask in it glow and stand transfixed by it's wondrous power.
Oh great moon, bringer of light in the darkness, I feel your pull.
I could watch you all night.
I could sit under your light and create a story that would otherwise remain trapped in my mind, unborn.
Roam moon. Roam the sky above and inspire!

More clips on Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix

ABC Family turned up some more great clips of the next Harry Potter movie.

Follow the links to Mugglenet.com and you should find each one if you scroll down just a fraction.
Take a look! If the sound cuts out, refresh your screen.

Mugglenet's page where each preview is listed. They are under the text "Most revealing look at OOTP so far!"


Or you can click links to the separate videos below.

Behind the Story
Harry
Hermione
Ron
Umbridge
Bellatrix
Luna
David Yates
Dumbledore's Army
The Order
The Kiss
Sirius Black
Wands

I'm still very excited about this film. I'm halfway through reading the book and there are more things and characters that seem to be missing. That disturbs me.
Well, we'll have to see.

UPDATE: I just updated the links. They should work. Click them and you'll go to each page on Mugglenet where you can find the videos. I would post them here, but I do not know the code for that.

Looking at these again, I'm excited... again. :)

Scroogeistic Pessimism sucks!

So there I was, trolling through the Absolute Write web site when I found a thread about Santa Clause. Apparently this guy doesn't believe and asks people why they keep teaching about Santa.

Well, I'm not going to go into that right now, but reading so many pessimistic people's opinions on that thread just made me mad. I know, I know, they have a right to cram their depressed opinions down our throats. So this morn I was checking out Raving Toy Maniac's site and there are people dissing the movie Polar Express.
When I watch it, the movie fills me with a great uplifting feeling.

Am I gullible? Am I stupid and my simple brain filled with too much glitter? Maybe I should stumble around, mumbling about every little thing, casting good messages of hope and love for my fellow man away? Maybe I should just ignore any positive uplifting stories and ideas and instead embrace apathy or a pessimistic attitude?

So if being positive and optimistic is foolish, and being negative is logical and correct, then where do all the dreams go? Where does the creativity go? If you can no longer hope, why try? If you don't try, nothing wonderful will be created.

Why is it so popular to think in a pessimistic way? Do these sad, lonely, depressed, self loathing people even know the definition?

pessimism
pes·si·mism [ péssə mìzzəm ]
noun
Definition:
1. tendency to expect worst: a tendency to see only the negative or worst aspects of all things and to expect only bad or unpleasant things to happen.

There is more than one side to everything. You can't focus on just the negative on concepts like Christmas (commercialism, crowded stores, etc). There is good too (helping others, child like faith in people, putting differences aside and sharing a loving feeling).
There are good things in movies, art, school, work, LIFE! You have to see the good side too, even if all your peers think it's cooler to grouch about everything.

OK, rant is done.

Fantasticar!

And speaking of geeking out, we finally can see the new Fantasticar!

What is a Fantasticar you may ask?

It's only the Batmobile to the Fantastic Four!

The new movie comes out June 15th of next year. Between Spidey 3 and Harry Potter 5.


USA Today; First look: Fantasticar flows onto film

So the FF get thier main ride in the film. I can't wait to see this movie. I liked everything in the first film except Dr. Doom.

Geek Week #5!

Geek Week is a video put up by fans of comics, figures, games and shows. They're a lot like me. Or I'm a lot like them?

A couple of them post at RTM (Raving Toy Maniac) too.

Anyway, last Spring was the Comic Con International. That's where all the cool new figures for the coming year are displayed.

This Geek Week took place back then and the guys just barely updated.

Here is their You Tube broadcast.


And here is their site.

ARRRRRGH!

All day I tried to get on here and edit. All day I could not. Here at home I wanted to edit. Here at home the net did not work.

GAAAAHHHH!

Had to get it out of my system.

That is all.

NEW LAYOUT!

As you can see, I just updated my blog layout. What do you think?

Any thing a problem?

Is it hard to read?

animal cruelty vs animal friendship

Y'know, I'm sitting here on the web doing my thing and one of my cats is just lying here beside me, as calm as can be.

Back in the day (yes, I'm an old foggy, I say "Back in the day". Sheesh) I used to tease my pets like crazy. Nothing hurtful. Just putting tape on their feet, shoelaces just past their whiskers, that sort of thing.
I had my fun.
But the animals always looked at me with apprehension.

Today, I never tease these creatures. I play, I pet, I treat and I walk, but I never tease. Now these animals look at me with trust and love.

It's a good feeling.

email fun

There is something to be said for passing back fun email banter between writer friends. I just had a blast doing that. A writer friend of mine had her characters meet my characters. It was so fun!

I also was able to come up with ideas on where certain characters are "now". This will help me to project them there when the time comes.

I sure love letting the characters on my novels come out and play.

architect

The guy on the van share ride always calls me "architect". I'm not one, but I am working on architectural plans lately.

So maybe he's closer to the truth then he knows. :)

nothing new

I really have nothing special or new to type. It was a quick four day weekend. We kept the house clean, had a good Thanksgiving and talked to family.

I didn't get any writing done but I'll just try harder through out the week.

All in all, a plain ol' weekend.

Nothing new but maybe later this week. Watch this space.

(Can this blog BE any more boring?)

I hunger!

The smell of that turkey, covered in my wife's stuffing, is too much to handle.
I awoke to crave that wonderful scent, much like a young, sweet vampire child craves her first drop.

Come to me turkey! Come to me!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I'm very thankful to the Lord for ALL His blessings. He's given my so much!

I'm grateful for my wife, who is both long suffering and supportive. ;)

I'm grateful for my children. I'm so glad they're healthy and sane (even if I'm not sane).

I'm grateful for the ability to write. I'm grateful that I had help from above to finish this novel, get it beta tested from the right people and then edited, and finally to have the burning desire to bang on agents' doors with it. I'm grateful that I know the "end of the story" even if I don't yet know how I get from here to there. LOL

Anyway, I'm so grateful for my life and all the things in it. I hope that my Friends and the mysterious lurkers out there each have a good Thanksgiving Day, even if it's not Thanksgiving where you are!

Some words

314 words.
Not a lot, huh?
That's all I've been able to add to my WIP today, but HEY! It's progress!
Hopefully I'll get more down this weekend.

I did come to a realization about my famous pirate cameo. The reason it doesnt feel right is becuase it belongs in book three! I'm pretty happy about that.