"It's not right for me"

Just read Janet Reid's 5 things about rejections...

http://jetreidliterary.blogspot.com/2004/08/yes-rejection-isnt-fun-but.html

Good advice. Especially...

5. You just have to get over the idea that "it's not right for me" is some sort of comment on the value or quality of your work. It's not. It's only a comment about whether it resonates with me AND whether I can sell it. I pass on really good stuff all the time.

Hmmm. Maybe it isn't my idea.

Wonders of wonders

I actually wrote a chapter of a new book. It was great, honestly writing something new instead of editing. Sure, I wrote that short story for the contest a while back, but this was something different.

Now to get in the habit of writing more.

Sara getting hearing aid

Yup, my daughter is getting one. I don't know if I should be sad that she needs one, or grateful that she's taking it with a strong upbeat personality.

Naw. My real feelings are right here on the surface. I'm just grateful she'll FINALLY be able to hear in that ear!

Getting beeeetter...

I can do this! I forgot! I DID learn a lot in '08. Query is shaping up. Need to take bathroom break and do dishes but then I'll clean it up and repost at AW.

Lex Luthor asks for a handout

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm from Jon Hamm

Just tired

Sorry for the depressed entry yesterday. Maybe a lot of my problem is that I'm tired from a busier - than - usual work load.

I need to get back on the saddle. Don't get me wrong, my fears and frustrations are still here. It's just that writing is in my blood and I couldn't stop if I tried.

OK. 1st off, I need to apply the points from Absolute Write I can't argue. The query never got the "un-stiffen treatment" my novel got. I need to reinvent it again. Clean it up and send it out. This includes clarifying the dangers, motivations and deepening Ann's voice in the query.

2nd, I need to schedule time each night for some writing activity.

That's all for now. Gotta get to work.

Quit?

I'm so tired. People talk about my word count being too big. They tell me I'm Middle Grade. They tell me a lot. I try and try but they still tell me things.

And who are they? Most aren't published. They quote rules and say everyone is an exception but I'd be stupid to buck the system. I choke on advice.

And published authors? Do they follow me? They add me on Twitter or follow me on Absolute Write, but never think to help me. They live the dream but I'm not worth it.

Everyone says "Don't quit" but why? I'm sick of it.

My fire has finally gone out. I never have the time required to work on the craft and when I do it's the same road blocks. Maybe I'll never learn. Maybe I'm a fool.

What the hell was I thinking?

Annabelle's no good. I'm no good.

All I wanted was to share her. Maybe lift kids up or allow them a moment's distraction.

I've lost.

42

GAH!

Ah well. It was a nice birthday. We had balloons, a great cake, a wonderful dinner and some relaxation with the fam. They even cleaned the house for me. Very nice of them! Days like this makes me feel special.

Love you guys!

Thoughts on work after the contract

"Prepare Yourself for Success" by Rachelle Gardner, Literary Agent.

http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/2009/03/prepare-yourself-for-success.html


Whew! When I read this I got depressed. I know my family would support me, but so much work will come! Am I ready? No. Will I be? No clue.

I've got to get ready.

Last night I took a long walk, pondering the fearful future that a writing contract would mean while at the same time pondering all my resent rejections and the possibility that maybe no one wants Annabelle. Well after all that swimming in my head I was ready to throw in the towel.

But I took a deep look inside me. I thought of what it would mean to not be published. What if it never happened? What if I did quit?

I realized that I can't stop the stories. If I never planned on getting them out there, if I never had a reason to perfect the craft, I'd still gravitate towards the Parodyverse or other sites where I could write.

Why?

Because many, many stories run through my head. Everything and anything sets them up and they create on their own. Maybe I'm codependent but I have this wild need (ever sense I discovered writing for others) to share my stories.

So if I quit this foolish dream where I only half get what would really happen if I became a published author, if I quit this, I'd still write stories. Only after all is said and done, I'd think on the few requests I got back in '06 and wonder. What if?

I'm not going to quit. I'm considerably pessimistic about the whole thing, but I wont quit.

Truth is, Rachelle Gardner is correct. If a miracle happens and I do get a contract, there will be deadlines just to name one problem. Deadlines while striving to keep my full time job and still know my family.
What I can do now is help my future self by getting an extra jump on those deadlines and perfecting the craft.

Book two of Annabelle needs heavy editing.
My "store" project needs to be written.
My "fantasy" project needs to be written.
Book 3 of Annabelle needs to be both edited and written.

I've got a long way to go so and only evenings and weekends to do it. I need to make a schedule. Pick certain days and weeks to work on writing, editing and submitting.

More later as I try this.